Sorry folks, I have been too heart broken to update my blog like I should...and here's why: The second IUI failed and so did the third. I responded well to all the medications and hubby's 'samples' were also perfect. I guess it just wasn't meant to be..........
I fell into a wave of depression for a while and am now on the mend. I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know that for now I am going to focus on myself, my husband, and family/friends. I know I am not alone in the quest for motherhood, there are millions of women out there just like me aching on the inside. The part that hurts the most is that this fate doesn't just affect me, it hurts my husband as well. To look into his eyes everyday knowing that his dream of fatherhood isn't coming true....well, there are no words.
At this point we have the option to keep going with more IUI or go straight to IVF. Well I don't think it would be beneficial to do more IUI, but not saying never just not right now. As for IVF? Ha! The mere expense is more than any average person could afford. Not to mention what all those drugs do to your body in the long run. Adoption? That is another decision that has yet to be made at this point. And it's not nearly as easy as people might think. I mean it's not like you just go to the store and say "I want that one". The cost of that is also quite high, higher than IVF in fact! Plus we would be on the waiting list for a minimum of a couple years and our life would be invaded (as it should be) to see if we are fit to be parents. And we are not yet healed from our current situation, but hopefully we will be soon. So who knows what will happen in that regard.
So all of this brings me back to the title of my blog: I need a break. No more drugs, no dr visits, and no stressing. I simply can't handle it anymore right now. The plan is to get healthy and lose the weight I gained in the last few months, plus some! I just want to be happy and for now my quest is to find out how/what makes that happen. Maybe get back to writing as I feel more inspired now than I ever have. Being distracted is the best when going through painful times such as these. Also, I would like to get a little closer to GOD...I feel his spirit in me! I am certianly feeling much more thankful for the people and things I DO have than ever!
Thank you all for reading and shoot me some questions anytime you'd like.
~Laine
