I am writing this while it's fresh in my mind, so bear with me...
Around mid-afternoon I noticed that I was experiencing chest pain and a headache. I also noticed that my heart was racing as if I had been running a marathon. I simply ignored the pains (thinking it was the energy drink I had at 8 am) and enjoyed the evening with my family as much as possible. Then while walking through the mall I noticed I was feeling faint and the pain was getting worse, so I sat down for a bit to rest. This really isn't like me at all. I knew exactly what the problem was: ANXIETY.
The meltdown began shortly after I got home. Stress at work, anxiety about the upcoming treatments, day-to-day life, my emotions, and family stuff just sent me over the edge. I don't really talk about all that's bothering me because who wants to be a downer? We all have problems, right? But I always have to be the best, the strongest, most in control person all the time. The girl you can count on. Lately I feel like things have been out of my control and I simply can't do all the things I'd like to. Maybe I need a clone or two of me? ~ I wish!
So I started crying really hard and freaking out, cracking under the pressure! My wonderful husband didn't know what to do so he got my mom on the phone to calm me down. About an hour and a half later I am on here writing it all down. She (and Jay) told me that I need some sort of outlet for all this since I can't constantly talk to someone about all my feelings. My mom suggested a diary, so I will be purchasing one tomorrow! She also suggested that I meditate and do more for myself. Sounds good to me. It's so hard to be selfish for me and I am hoping that will make me an even better mom one day.
Call me crazy or simply human. Why did I share this on here? Because I want to share all aspects of what I am going through. The good, bad, and the ugly.
The count down begins to our IUI and I will begin taking Clomid at the end of this month! The time has really flown, and I am getting nervous. My goal for the next few weeks: RELAX, MEDITATE, WRITE, and BREATHE!
A BIG SHOUT OUT goes to my mom! I seriously don't know what I would do without her words of encouragement, her strength, witty sense of humor, and most of all LOVE. I love you mom, more than you can ever imagine. Thank you for everything!
Hoping for a much more positive blog post next time,
~Laine
4 comments:
You shouldn't have to ask why you shared something! You probably did it for many reasons, and it's a good thing you did. It shows you are human and that you're volunerable... even if you don't want to be. I play the "strong card" too, but people who really know me know that I can be a cry-baby and I can express my frusterations. Those lucky people :) It's so nice to hear that you have some one like your mom and your husband that care so much for you that they didn't just leave you to tough it out or 'get over it' -- yep I've been told it before.
Thanks Amanda, I am glad you can see where I'm coming from! It's interesting how once you 'let it all out' life seems to go right back to normal! It's nice to have understanding people in my life now as an adult too. I kind of told myself to 'get over it' after it happened...no need to dwell on things! :)
Your mom is right you do need to start relaxing and doing more for yourself!!!! Don't let your job stress you out so bad that it is taking away from what you want out of life!
Donna~ Yeah it's time to just go with the flow and be happy! Love ya gal!!!
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